Wednesday, February 24, 2010

What He Really Thinks of One-Night Stands


He likes ‘em, OK? But, says Jake, there are some Dos & Don’ts to know.

I travel a lot and generally end up exploring a particular kind of landmark: bars. Hotel bars. Airport bars. Western-themed bars. It’s a habit that’s led to great conversations with people I’ll never see again. It’s also led to at least 10 one-night stands.

I know firsthand that these kinds of hookups don’t always end well—the proverbial “walk of shame” can involve massive guilt and that special kind of hypochondria reserved for your naughty bits. There’s also the very real possibility of getting your feelings hurt. Take, for instance, the time I had relations with a beautiful hostess who worked at an upscale restaurant. “I have vodka back at my place!” she said after last call. We piled into the back of a cab and ended up at her apartment for a nightcap—and other, unmentionable things that caused us to knock over a candle and almost set the place on fire. I woke up thinking this could be the start of something. But the next day, she didn’t return my calls. She just texted that she was “crazy busy.” Ouch! Wounded pride aside, let me state something bold here: One-night stands can be good. Great, even—provided there’s a stash of condoms and you’re aware of these following things:

He’s There to Have Sex
The number-one reason guys have one-night stands? We want to get laid. So forget about using sex as a fast-track tactic to make a guy fall in love. That’s not to say he won’t (hey, I was totally falling for that hostess)—just that the sex matters much less than your general chemistry. But here’s an ugly-truth confession: He may fake feeling something just to close the deal. How to tell if he’s being sketchy or sincere? I have no clue. That’s why ever since the hostess blew me off, I’ve adopted this One-Night Stand Golden Rule: I don’t do anything I’ll hate myself for or feel embarrassed about, regardless of what happens the next day. Try it—it works.

No, He Doesn’t Think You’re a Slut
My best friend married a woman who slept with him on the first date (and they’re hands down the happiest couple I know). Another friend has been with a woman for three years, and it all started with a one-night stand. I’ve never once heard a male friend imply that a woman he had sex with on a first date is a slut—even if it was unclear there’d be a second date. And I hope that doesn’t sound like a line a guy uses to get in your pants, because it may be some of the clearest evidence that men are evolving. Use it to your advantage.

He Needs You to Speak Up
He barely knows your last name, so he’s definitely clueless about what turns you on. Find a (hot) way to tell him, like the woman I met in a Chicago blues bar recently did. A few key instructions back in my hotel room prevented us from having detached, sloppy, drunken sex. Instead we had engaged, hot, slightly inebriated sex with the glittering skyline as our backdrop. When she left the next day, there were no expectations. We were two adults doing something we both wanted—and how is that ever a bad thing?

Jake is a real, live single guy dating in New York City.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

4 Things Guys Can't Get Enough Of

You'll be surprised by what words and gestures guys love. But according to experts, these things are like catnip to men.

There are small things you do — both innately and intentionally — that secretly put a smile on your guy's face. And they're not what you'd guess (i.e., none of them involves a push-up bra). Read on for the scoop.

1. Watching You Primp
Your flatiron and eyelash curler look like medieval torture devices to men, yet watching you work your beauty magic fascinates us. "There's something so endearing about a girl standing in front of the mirror in a towel, putting on makeup," says Wes*, 31. Part of it is seeing the lengths you go to in order to look hot for us. But mostly it's the sneak peek into your private world that we find intriguing. So before a date or in the morning, leave the door open and let him watch you transform from wet-haired cutie to stunning goddess.

2. Hearing That He's Hot
You get personal satisfaction from looking good; your guy gets it from knowing that you think he looks doable. Acknowledge his physical assets with a sexy compliment, a butt squeeze, even elevator eyes, and he'll feel like a stud. Take it from Mike, 22: "I begrudgingly went clothes shopping with my girlfriend a few months ago," he says. "When I came out of the dressing room in new jeans, my girl gave me a lingering glance then whispered, 'Take me now!' She was half-joking, but she half-wasn't. And it made me feel pretty damn good."

3. Enjoying the Silence
Sometimes when guys are quiet, it's not because we're upset but that we're happy in the moment — so what's there to discuss?! "On our third date, my now-girlfriend ate her entire dessert in complete silence, gazing at me between bites," recalls Jason, 27. "I loved that she felt relaxed enough around me to do that." So resist the temptation to fill your next pregnant pause with a mind-numbing recap of The Hills rerun you just saw. Your restraint will speak volumes about your security in the relationship.

4. Giving Advice…That You Actually Act On
When you vent about your work/friend/mom issues, we know we're supposed to listen supportively. But true or not, guys believe that we have the solutions to most problems. So when you go off about some dilemma, we usually spout our advice. When you actually take those recommendations, it's validation that we know what we're talking about and, most important, you trust us.

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